Break my heart
by FlorGon
Summary: *Complete* Japril oneshot after 14x24. Jackson and April deal with the aftermath of their decisions right after April's wedding.


_You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens._

 _\- Rumi_

 **Jackson's realization**

I was the only one left at the wedding spot. I felt the world was trembling under my feet, yet I was frozen. April was married to Matthew. April was married to Matthew. April was married to Matthew. My person. My ex-wife. The mother of my children. The one. My best friend was now married to the person she had once left at the altar for me. The only person who had always had faith in me, who trusted my skills, who treated me as someone smart, who pushed me even harder than myself. The person I had hurt the most. The person who had hurt me the most. A lady approached me.

"Following your heart is the safest way to avoid regrets," the lady said.

"Eh?"

"Sorry, it's a thing I always do," she told me.

She was pointing to the fortune cookie on the table, next to beer I hadn't drunk.

"Before I open it, I try to guess the message. It's my way of trying to hear my heart. So when I open the cookie I have two messages: one from a opened cookie and one from an opened heart. It's your heart broken? Have you found its message?" she said.

I thanked the lady as I stood up and run towards my car. I needed to find April and tell her how I felt. It didn't matter if it was too late. I needed her to know.

As I was the driving the car, I was wondering how to explain it to her that after everything it happened, everything I made her go through, now I'll be telling her that I love her, just as always. How does it make any sense? How could she trust me?

I wanted her to know I wasn't lying, no matter if it was already too late. I was hoping it was not. How does it always come to this last minute decision? I should have known, the signs from my heart where everywhere yet it was easier to avoid listening. I almost lost her forever in an accident and yet it took me losing her to Matthew to realize I had been the biggest moron all this time?

I had been so angry all this time, angry at myself for not being able to help those I loved the most, angry at life from taking everything that I wanted away from me, angry with April for breaking my heart in so many pieces. Anger somewhere along the way became an inner part of me and when it did, I stopped being aware of it. I believed I was fine. I wanted to be fine. It was easier to be fine than to be confronting the mess that was I.

Underneath all that anger that I didn't recognize anymore, there was myself, my true self, the one that always loved April, the one that was crazy for her, the one that only wanted to protect her, the one that would have never treated her the way I did.

So many mistakes. So much to fix, so much to amend. I called Maggie. I should have tell her in her face, but I didn't want to lose any time. Maggie hated me, Richard was gonna hate me, my mother is gonna be a nightmare. April is gonna hate me and Matthew would finally have his chance to hit me hard. I deserved it all.

 **April's realization**

"Stop the car!" I said.

"What?" Matthew asked.

"Stop the car!"

It was all like a déjà vu. I was living my life in circles, making the same mistakes all over again. How many people would I hurt before I finally learn what I need to learn from all this mistakes?

He stopped the car and we got out.

"I'm sorry, Matthew. I can't do this. It's wrong. I don't love you. You don't love me. There's no need to keep hurting ourselves. You had just lost Karin, the love of your life, after the birth of your daughter who is only two months old. I divorced the love of my life who is currently dating his stepsister. There's no way this is gonna work. We haven't thought it through. What was I thinking? How could I do this twice?" I said.

He's gonna hate me until the ends of time. I'm the worst person in the whole world.

"I don't know how to ask you to forgive me," I told him.

"It's ok," he said.

"No, it's not ok. I had no right. You've gone through so much and here I'm hurting you again."

"Stop. I was expecting this."

"Eh?"

"Actually, I was expecting Jackson to stand up at the wedding. You two clearly love each other. Everyone can see you are meant to be. You need to stop this, deal with your feelings and stop denying them. You two are alive, love each other and you have a healthy daughter. You three deserve to be happy. You should be seizing every second of your life. Not everyone has the chance you two have been given. I really thought that you two would realize this before the wedding, but even now, it's not too late. So tell him that you love him and that you think he loves you too. He's gonna wanna follow you anywhere or he's even more stupid than I thought."

"I don't get it. Why would you go through all of this? You married me only hoping that Jackson and I realize we had been crazy?" I asked.

"We're not married. Arizona and I were behind everything. We never thought it would get to this. I guessed we had more faith in you two than you actually deserved. The minister wasn't a minister. We told her it was a rehearsal for a movie. The funny thing is that she told us that the main couple should be you two, that you had the most amazing chemistry ever. We told her that was the plan. So here you have the keys of the car. Stop this long, slow burn and go get him."

"I cannot thank you enough. I felt so relieved that I can't even be angry for being played like a fool. But you get the car, I wouldn't leave you in the middle of nowhere. I need to walk and think this through."

We hugged.

"Good luck, April."

 **The second wedding**

I didn't think this day could be worse. Damn it! My car stopped when I fucking need it the most. I'd already called for a tow truck. I was walking in circles, not knowing what to do next and then, I saw someone walking in my direction. It was April. I called for her, moving my arms.

"April!"

She ran towards me looking perfect. It was impossible not to remember the time she ran away from her wedding. Just like that day she put her arms around my neck and kissed me. My body was moving on its own and all I could think was that I was dead and Heaven existed.

"I love you, Jackson. I always have. And I want you with me. I love you, and I think that you love me too. Do you?" April said.

Brain tumor, head trauma or Heaven. Either way, the answer was yes.

"I love you. I was a fool," I said.

And then we were kissing again.

A car parked near us. It was the woman that I met before, at the wedding spot.

"Do you need a ride? You're the one of the fortune cookie. I missed the wedding, apparently. I thought you would explain to me what happened but you ran away," she said.

She also told us she was the minister. I didn't get it. Where there two ministers? April said she needed to check something with Arizona and she moved to make a phone call. She returned with the most beautiful smile and asked me to marry her.

"Do you still want the whole damn thing? Would you marry me?" she asked.

Could I be this lucky?

"I do. But aren't you married?" I asked.

"I'm not. Do you really want to get into it now? I can tell you all about it on our honeymoon," April said.

The minister was happier than we were.

"This is so romantic. Where do you want me to take you?" she asked us.

We went back to the wedding spot with the minister. Ben and Bailey were there, they were supposed to arrive later because of work. They were happy to see us because they were there all alone not knowing what to do. So they were the only guests to our wedding. Somehow this was all real.

 **What we deserved**

After the wedding, we returned home with Ben and Bailey. We picked up Harriet at the nursery. Everything happened so fast and we had to make some decisions, like where we were going to be living, his apartment, my house, elsewhere.

"Can we decide where are we going on our honeymoon and let everything else for when we return? I just let Bailey know that I'm taking three weeks off," Jackson said.

"I don't care where we go, if the three of us are together. That's all I want. Ok. Maybe I want us to take Harriet to the beach, but you pick where," I said.

He took us to Santa Monica. We had the most amazing time there, so many happy memories. I didn't want our holidays to end.

…

"What if we start over here?" Jackson asked.

"Are you serious? Right now I'm jobless so I can start over anywhere I want. You're the one who are more attached to Seattle. So if you want to, I'll follow you anywhere."

We got a job at St. Ambrose Hospital. The one that liked the idea the least was Catherine. But in no time, we adapted to the place, we made friends and time to time we went to visit our friends and family in Seattle, in New York and in Columbus. It was a good way to leave all the bad behind and make new happy memories. It was also good for Jackson to gain confidence in himself away from the protection of his mother.

A few months after we moved, we confirmed I was pregnant. Harriet was so happy to be a big sister. We had a healthy baby boy named Martin Kepner-Avery. Life was great as long as we were together, because we belonged together. We were meant to be.


End file.
